I feel like I was reading what I have been saying to myself. I have no words of wisdom or anything that would help, except to say that you are not alone and I too feel the things you are feeling. This is a very hard situation. I will say prayers that you are strong and find a recovery path that will bring you relief and peace soon. My AH is divorcing me. So hopefully that you still have your RAH and y'all can lean on each other, maybe that will help with both of your recoveries.