In my case, I think where I land on honesty is suggesting to DS that he might want to clarify with his Dad what he has told him before--that they are "on hiatus" as AH is concerned because of the drinking. It's clear that this has slipped AHs mind, based on a comment he made yesterday. If I tell him the truth about what DS feels, AH will think I'm making it up.
here's the thing....you don't NEED to go into all the above. you do not have to base your decisions on AH - you do not have to make sure he clearly understands or remembers that he is not welcome somewhere. you can make decisions based upon what YOU want to do with your time. if you want to go hang at the beach, or see a film, check out a farmers market OR go see your precious grandchild....you CAN. without him. and without his permission. you're a grown woman, you don't need permission.
my husband and I were invited to a friend's wedding reception on Saturday (they actually got married a few weeks ago and were hosting the celebration yesterday). however my adult daughter and I wanted to go to the SPY exhibit at the Pacific Science Center and see the Lemurs of Madagascar movie in 3D at the IMAX theatre and it turned out the best day for US to go was also Saturday/yesterday.
I didn't ASK if it was OK for me to go spend the day with my daughter. it will be a cold day in hell before THAT ever happens! I informed him of my plans and that was that. renee and I had a very fun adventure including leaving the car behind and taking light rail and then the monorail, strolling over to Uptown China for lunch and then going to the movie and the exhibit. and hank went to the party and had a great time playing horseshoes, snarfing on the cheese platter, eating two hot dogs and just enjoying himself.
don't let ANYTHING or ANYONE keep you from your kids or your grandbabies. you've kowtowed to AH long enough eh?