Thanks Vale- that was exactly what I needed to hear. I do not want to be a coward like the ex heroin addict bf. I want very badly to live my life to the absolute fullest. I have done things that many others in my family have considered impulsive- I changed careers at 35 after I got divorced from being an assistant principal to working in the film industry. As a child, I always dreamed of one day working in the movies and I was lucky enough to land in North Carolina and get that chance. I am going to approach life more like that today, and will try to with each day that follows. I'm going to look for the opportunities around me. I want to be someone my daughter is proud of. And Vale, you are right, each year is a gift and if I'm lucky, I still have another 40 in front of me. Thank you for your words- they were exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Thank you for taking time to read my post and respond. I'm so glad I found SR- it has been such a gift.