Feeling lost
It's been exactly a week since my relationship ended. After having a wonderful reconnection with someone I held so dear to my heart for 15 yrs, he ended everything via text message last Thursday night. For those of you not familiar with my story, the now ex is in month 8 of recovery from heroin. We reconnected 4 months ago after not seeing each other for over 15 yrs. I never knew him as an addict and he was my first love when I was 20. In those 15 yrs apart, we both married and divorced, he became addicted to heroin, I lost my only sibling to an Oxy overdose etc. He reached out to me and we talked and text everyday- seeming to complete each other's thoughts, etc- we got each other. Since we live far apart- me in North Carolina, he in Boston - he planned and paid for my trip up and we had a wonderful sober week in Cape Cod together. He started to become distant about a week and half after I returned to NC and finally ended it last Thursday saying it was too much, he didn't know what had changed- he was trying to simplify and was stressed because he was getting ready to reconnect with his daughters, he had two good friends that relapsed from his sober house etc. I understand now this is typical behavior for an addict and someone in early recovery but it doesn't make it hurt any less and I have this feeling I will never see or hear from him again.
On top of all that- I have been dealing with chronic pain from numerous problems in my back and neck and my neurosurgeon here in my town has referred me to the hospital in Chapel Hill where I will begin tread td next month. My very best friend and old business partner moved back to NY several months ago, and I'm dealing with getting ready to turn 40.
Sometimes it just feels as if everything is closing in- I've done better emotionally than I thought I would but I very much feel like I'm just going through the motions with everything- with my daughter, with work, even with my Nar-Anon group(which I started attending a few months back to help best aid the ex in his recovery and to work on myself). I know my higher power has a plan and I'm sure there is a reason for all this. It just doesn't feel like it right now.
I would appreciate any advice or strategies any of you have used to get through the periods where you either feel nothing or when you do feel something , it's sadness😣😔😞