I can relate to what you said about the cycle of guilt and shame being relieved by alcohol causing more problems and more guilt and shame. I was on that merry go round for years. The elavator is jus going down but the good news is you can get off now. Break the cycle- by any means. I tried will power by myself and failed repeatedly. Finally the pain was bad enough that I tried AA. It was not what I expected and has been the only solution I have found. What should you do now- do the next right thing. Don't drink and look into a support group. There are different options that can really help.