23 years old & drinking is ruining everything...
Hey everyone. I'm at a very low point in life currently, and I finally have the guts to admit drinking is causing most of it. Ever since I turned legal age to drink, my drinking had progressed.
I was working in a grocery store for about 2 years, but once I got home and started binging on beers, waking up to an alarm clock for work no longer was my first priority, so I ended up getting fired. Around the time of me getting fired, I met a girl. After dating for 9 months, I moved in with her at her apartment. At the time I didn't even have my license, so the deal was I could live here, as long as I got my license, and quickly found a job to help with rent & the like.
Fast forward 7 month;, I have my license, and I also had a job. It was a good job, $17/hr to start. Problem was it was 12hr overnight shifts in which I could not get used to at all, 5pm-5am. I didn't even feel like a human most of the time, so I ended up leaving. Even though it wasn't for me, I feel guilt because of the burden it places on my girlfriend.
She'll get on me about finding a job, and in turn I turn to alcohol to 'block her out' and find solace. The drink never judges me, yells, of complains, right?
I'm a malt liquor drinker & I've heard that they are especially addictive drinks, though I do not know of that's true. I usually consume three 40oz's a day. I have done nothing but drag my girlfriend down with me & verbally abuse her during my drunken blackouts. It kills me inside because I know without the drink, I'm not that person. The feelings of guilt I have are relieved by alcohol, and so the cycle goes.
Just yesterday, I got 'giddy' when she left for work knowing I have a fridge full of 40's. What happened was I got fall-down drunk, ended up over a friends house smoking weed. She snapped when she got home about me getting high knowing I need a job. She hasn't said a word to me today, and I am at wits end....
What do I do guys? I don't know myself. I sit here writing this craving a drink to forget about all the things alcohol has done to me & my life.