Hi Healthyagain,
If he is drinking when he is saying these things, then there is a good chance that he is quacking on alcohol (I learned that word this week when reading the posts). I empathize with your situation, as words can be hurtful when our AHs are drinking and saying mean things to us. My AH probably does this 5% of the time we are together, but my stomach is usually in knots waiting for the next time he will verbally quack at me, which will make me nervous and just want to cry.