Your responses are really thoughtful and helpful. Thank you.
I heard the story about the photos 30 minutes from when my teens first returned home. It was really bothering them.
I put it out of my mind. I was abused as a child and abused by xah. And every stupid professional has heard/read my stories of xah's behavior towards me and the children but no one has stopped him in his tracks. I began to lose morale. No one cares. My lawyer here said it would take more of a catastrophe than xah being violent with DS17 and terrifying DD7 before the judge would call for supervised visits.
Every time xah comes to town there is another huge drama.
I should have reacted immediately to my teens' disclosure but they made me promise not to act before they told me. So I was reluctant to make another scene, knowing that xah would react like a volcano after an earthquake. Which he has.
I have utter contempt for him.
Do I think he kept the photos in with the family shots on purpose? Probably. Because he has been 'absent-minded' about his parental responsibilities in a way that always works to desensitize them to abuse of various kinds. Am I sure? No. But he was negligent and he keeps the children constantly in precarious, frightening situations. And so I finally rubbed the sleepy film out of my eyes and did something.
Would it have been better not to send the children with him at all? I don't know. It would have been great if he had had a full on nervous breakdown so he could be properly evaluated and treated for his madness. But I didn't have the foresight or maybe the determination to prevent the visit entirely that morning.
I believe I am doing the best that I can under incredibly trying circumstances. And I am extremely prone to mistakes but I do learn eventually.
Question is: what will happen next? He has told his entire family, lawyers and my teens how I overreacted and caused him such grief that he wound up in the hospital. Poor him x 100.