Yes, I think back to those things. There were many times when I was cruel to my guy when I was in a blackout. I would imagine the most horrible thing I could think of to hurt him and then say it.
I think that the only way we can redeem ourselves and truly get forgiveness is to show the people we hurt that we are sorry through our actions. If I were to drink again, I would be telling people with my actions that I am not sorry and I'm willing to risk turning into a monster again.
We can redeem ourselves through our actions in sobriety. Be kind. Be honest. Help others. And most importantly, do not drink again.