i am a truck driver tdg and for over a year i stayed indoors after my son died. i was working self employed before my son got ill via and agency so was placed temp with firms but on a self employed basis
i was given 10 weeks by the hardship benefits system to get over my son and to return to work
i was as low as i have ever been in my life, i didn't want to drink but i didn't want to live either
the dr offered me anti depressants but i have seen other members in aa and how they are totally dependent on them so it was a no no for me
i spent a lot of time in bed i couldnt come out i just wanted the world to go away
after about a year or more i started to come out again i had been to the odd aa meeting in between but couldnt carry on going regular as i felt like dying all the time, it is very hard to sit with people who will proclaim there live is wonderful etc and they have all the excitement of sober living etc it was draining for me but then so was everything else
i also had my home to run and my other kids to look after and i tell you now i really didnt want to it was a case of having to
i went back to work and would only do a couple of ***** and be worn out but as i was self employed it suited me so i could work enough to make money to pay the rent and food etc and then take the rest of week off
i was doing 4 shifts a week in the end and doing aa the other 3 days 2 meetings a day i had somehow worked my way through it and was doing good
but then i had a set back and couldnt do it anymore and just ended up going back to my bed room curling up in a ball again
i was tired all the time again i dont know how it came back but it did
i went to see the dr and she thinks i might have also had a bit of a stroke so i am off work now for a month for tests and if they come back positive i will lose my hgv license
what i have to do is manage my days as best as i can but keep active and also allow plenty of rest
i can afford to have this month off work just so i am using this time to recharge my batteries as i was doing to much before hence i burned out
so the lesson i have learned is to take things easy in all things and get more rest as i understand now that i am still carrying around a lot of pain and its not going to go away over night
so its back to basics one day at a time and see how i feel
one day i might feel really good and the next i might fell crap i just have to plod on like i always have done
so give time time and just plod on there is no easy fix for me in the way of pills as i would become addicted to them but that doesn't mean they might not work for you
i think in time you will level out but you just have to push on and deify the head
i am teaching my other son how to drive, i am trying to get my daughter out of the house and about again also as they have lost a brother so i really have to press on even when i dont want to
it is getting easier for me but like i say i take it one day at a time, i keep myself as active as i can but also make more room for plenty of rest. i go to aa still and things are better as i go to meetings that will have more new comers in them so i can help a bit there
are you resting ? or always on the go ? as this can cause burn out as well
just try and manage one day at a time
good luck to you and just hang on in there