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A sobering reality

Old 08-10-2014, 02:11 PM
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A sobering reality

So my job, the one thing in my life, other than my family friends and support groups ( thanks SR) I love dearly I might have to let go. I suffer from crippling anxiety, holy smokes, drop you to your knees, have you think you're dying daily anxiety. Its one of the many reasons I started drinking, it was a short term cure to a long term problem.

Now I am at the monthish mark and the anxiety just isn't subsiding, meditation, prayer, exercise, kava kava ( not medical advice I just tried it for me), tea, no caffeine, nothing is working. Daily panic attacks, anxiety that haunts me.....

I deliver furniture for a living ( hence my name, moniker on here), its a job I love a lot. I enjoy getting out making people happy and most of all delivering a high end furniture product and exceeding peoples expectations. I don't want to lose this job, nor do I want to continue living with crippling anxiety.

A little background, I locked myself in my house for 2 years ( literally) I left once a month or less during this time. It took medication, and counseling and a lot of effort on my part to leave again. Once I left the house, I got work started feeling better, but once I started furniture delivery I could no longer take medication. The insurance company won't touch me with a thousand foot stick, and the medications that do work are on their banned list of drugs.

Now that I am sober, I am feeling a lot better on the physical health side, but much worse on the mental health side. My sobering reality is I might have to quit my job, and go back on medication. I really don't want to do this, this scares me on another level, I never want to return to being a paranoid recluse in my house.

So now I am faced with a decision, meds and quitting my job, or continuing and trying to find a solution to my anxiety. Both decisions scare me, but I know I have to make one soon for my sanity.

I am not going to ever self medicate again, I think alcohol altered my brain chemistry and is making things even worse now with the cessation of alcohol.

So please if you could be so kind send good thoughts my way, pray for me, wish me luck, think kind thoughts or words for me. I just want to make the right decision, and not jump the gun.

Good day to all of you, stay safe and sober TDG
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Old 08-10-2014, 02:16 PM
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Aw, thoughts and hugs coming your way.xxx
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Old 08-10-2014, 02:17 PM
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Please don't make any rash decisions. Do see your doc. My anxiety initially increased when I stopped drinking but it has now totally reduced and is now manageable on a daily basis because of sobriety but also taking meds. Some people do just suffer from anxiety and there is no shame in taking meds to help out and enable people to leave normal lives free from the crippling anxiety. I wish I'd seen my doc sooner.
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Old 08-10-2014, 02:18 PM
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Hi TDG.

My drinking allowed me to sidestep life's inevitably difficult decisions. After I got sober for a time, I learned that doing this only made things worse for me, and that I was never going to make any real progress unless I changed a lot of things, including my thinking, in radical ways.

I was then able to learn that the choices that I made didn't kill me, didn't reduce me to a drunken mess and, rather than increase my fear and anxiety, only made me stronger and more willing to make the hard choices next time.

I also learned to seek good counsel, and exhaust all potential avenues of help and support before making major changes in my life. I only wish the same for you.
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Old 08-10-2014, 02:19 PM
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Hang in there TDG!!
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Old 08-10-2014, 02:26 PM
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I don't have any advice or wisdom other than what you already know, obviously drinking can not help any situation. But I can send you some positive vibes, hang in there , I wish you well.
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Old 08-10-2014, 02:37 PM
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Greetings TDG
I too have struggled with crippling anxiety over the years, and self medicated making it much much worse. I have also lost jobs (jobs that I was GREAT at, but couldn't function due to a lack of self confidence and panic/anxiety).
I would hesitate in making a hasty decision! I think there are more option to try out there. Yes, perhaps it will take time, trial and error, but I think it would be well worth it (like sobriety).
For me, one on one therapy, self help books, EFT (tapping....worked WONDERS!!!)following the advice and supplemental regime of a natural doctor, and an almost CONSTANT self awareness of my thoughts that began the anxiety spiral have helped me. I am by no means cured....but I have some healthy tools to turn too. I am on medication as well but am tapering off due to their addictive nature and the trouble I have not abusing them. The anxiety, depression and sobriety are things I have to work at every single day.
I empathize with anyone struggling with addictions (and their loved ones!) and people also suffering from panic or anxiety. My most sincere and heartfelt prayers and positive thoughts are with you TDG
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Old 08-10-2014, 03:41 PM
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There are some Anti-Depressants that are effective in treating anxiety for many. See your Doctor about this. An anti-depressant would not be banned as it does not "typically" affect judgement, reaction time, equilibrium, or other things which the banned medications account for. Hang tough.
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Old 08-10-2014, 03:50 PM
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Sorry, I cant understand why it is not possible to take the meds and work at the same time. It appears you need those meds. Anyway, anxiety reduces once you have some more time, say three months. One month is still very early sobriety. My anxiety subsided at the 3 month mark more or less.
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Old 08-10-2014, 04:32 PM
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You already had some good advice here.

So I would like to say, blessing your way, be kind to yourself, and keep trucking and seeking answers. Knock on every doctors door if you need to. Everyone deserves to live a happy life. I am lucky to not have panic disorder, but I can imagine how crippling it must be.

Stay strong and stay sober!
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Old 08-10-2014, 04:43 PM
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i am a truck driver tdg and for over a year i stayed indoors after my son died. i was working self employed before my son got ill via and agency so was placed temp with firms but on a self employed basis
i was given 10 weeks by the hardship benefits system to get over my son and to return to work
i was as low as i have ever been in my life, i didn't want to drink but i didn't want to live either
the dr offered me anti depressants but i have seen other members in aa and how they are totally dependent on them so it was a no no for me

i spent a lot of time in bed i couldnt come out i just wanted the world to go away
after about a year or more i started to come out again i had been to the odd aa meeting in between but couldnt carry on going regular as i felt like dying all the time, it is very hard to sit with people who will proclaim there live is wonderful etc and they have all the excitement of sober living etc it was draining for me but then so was everything else

i also had my home to run and my other kids to look after and i tell you now i really didnt want to it was a case of having to

i went back to work and would only do a couple of ***** and be worn out but as i was self employed it suited me so i could work enough to make money to pay the rent and food etc and then take the rest of week off
i was doing 4 shifts a week in the end and doing aa the other 3 days 2 meetings a day i had somehow worked my way through it and was doing good
but then i had a set back and couldnt do it anymore and just ended up going back to my bed room curling up in a ball again
i was tired all the time again i dont know how it came back but it did
i went to see the dr and she thinks i might have also had a bit of a stroke so i am off work now for a month for tests and if they come back positive i will lose my hgv license

what i have to do is manage my days as best as i can but keep active and also allow plenty of rest
i can afford to have this month off work just so i am using this time to recharge my batteries as i was doing to much before hence i burned out

so the lesson i have learned is to take things easy in all things and get more rest as i understand now that i am still carrying around a lot of pain and its not going to go away over night
so its back to basics one day at a time and see how i feel
one day i might feel really good and the next i might fell crap i just have to plod on like i always have done

so give time time and just plod on there is no easy fix for me in the way of pills as i would become addicted to them but that doesn't mean they might not work for you
i think in time you will level out but you just have to push on and deify the head

i am teaching my other son how to drive, i am trying to get my daughter out of the house and about again also as they have lost a brother so i really have to press on even when i dont want to
it is getting easier for me but like i say i take it one day at a time, i keep myself as active as i can but also make more room for plenty of rest. i go to aa still and things are better as i go to meetings that will have more new comers in them so i can help a bit there

are you resting ? or always on the go ? as this can cause burn out as well

just try and manage one day at a time

good luck to you and just hang on in there
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Old 08-10-2014, 04:55 PM
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My uncle whom I was close to in my early teens has Agoraphobia. He is 65 years old now and only leaves the house at night. Its the same house he grew up in. He would play with me and when I outgrew him in my teens he reverted back to old habits. I know he has always taken the easier path, which is to not change and as such missed out living a life worth living.

I don't suffer from anxiety so I am not going to relate personally. However, I know that alcohol does not solve whatever you are facing, only a temporary reprieve. I also know that alcohol interferes with any SSRIs that may have been prescribed in the past. I know you are cheating yourself to go back to the drink and I would suggest maybe talking to your Psychiatrist and perhaps being open to the unknown, which is there may be a solution and perhaps that involves a regimented SSRI under the advice of your Dr.

Have you also thought about therapy to deal with this?

One last thing, I would try to hold off making any big life altering decisions for a while, like quitting the job. Things change in early sobriety...I would have changed careers, three times, had multiple affairs, gotten a divorce numerous times over the past year. Glad I did not on any of them.
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Old 08-10-2014, 04:57 PM
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I'm coming up on a year sober, and I'm a fellow anxiety sufferer.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but it took me a good six months sober before the anxiety even began to subside. Along the way, I learned the hard way that caffeine and I do not mix, at all. I still suffer occasionally, but I'm leaps and bounds ahead of where I was at 3-4 months.

All of the things you described to cope are helpful, and I would recommend that you continue to do them. But the one big thing I think you are going to need is simply TIME.

As far as meds go, have you ever considered beta-blockers like Propranolol? They are non-habit forming, and they are very good at taming the overwhelming physical aspects of severe anxiety. I take them occasionally as needed, with good results and minimal side effects.

Anxiety is a b*tch. Best of luck to you.

Dave
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Old 08-10-2014, 07:21 PM
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Praying for you!
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Old 08-10-2014, 07:32 PM
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Hang in there TDG. The 1st month is almost always the hardest, at least that is what a lot of SR folks have said, and from my own experience!
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Old 08-11-2014, 12:56 AM
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Keep your chin up, TDG. I will echo the sentiments of others; check with your doc before you throw in the towel on a job you love. I can't fully understand what you're going through- I realize that. But perhaps there are some new options for treatment that you didn't have before.

But in the end, your health and sanity have to come first. Wishing you well, TDG!
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