Thatdeliveryguy

So my job, the one thing in my life, other than my family friends and support groups ( thanks SR) I love dearly I might have to let go. I suffer from crippling anxiety, holy smokes, drop you to your knees, have you think you're dying daily anxiety. Its one of the many reasons I started drinking, it was a short term cure to a long term problem.

Now I am at the monthish mark and the anxiety just isn't subsiding, meditation, prayer, exercise, kava kava ( not medical advice I just tried it for me), tea, no caffeine, nothing is working. Daily panic attacks, anxiety that haunts me.....

I deliver furniture for a living ( hence my name, moniker on here), its a job I love a lot. I enjoy getting out making people happy and most of all delivering a high end furniture product and exceeding peoples expectations. I don't want to lose this job, nor do I want to continue living with crippling anxiety.

A little background, I locked myself in my house for 2 years ( literally) I left once a month or less during this time. It took medication, and counseling and a lot of effort on my part to leave again. Once I left the house, I got work started feeling better, but once I started furniture delivery I could no longer take medication. The insurance company won't touch me with a thousand foot stick, and the medications that do work are on their banned list of drugs.

Now that I am sober, I am feeling a lot better on the physical health side, but much worse on the mental health side. My sobering reality is I might have to quit my job, and go back on medication. I really don't want to do this, this scares me on another level, I never want to return to being a paranoid recluse in my house.

So now I am faced with a decision, meds and quitting my job, or continuing and trying to find a solution to my anxiety. Both decisions scare me, but I know I have to make one soon for my sanity.

I am not going to ever self medicate again, I think alcohol altered my brain chemistry and is making things even worse now with the cessation of alcohol.

So please if you could be so kind send good thoughts my way, pray for me, wish me luck, think kind thoughts or words for me. I just want to make the right decision, and not jump the gun.

Good day to all of you, stay safe and sober TDG