Maybe don't try so hard? By that I mean your post is full of angst. I found that when I relaxed into the fact that I wasn't going to ever drink again my perspective changed from resistance to acceptance. I also agree with the above comments that until you want to be sober more than drunk you're in an uphill battle. I really spent a lot of time thinking about what I got out of it and it became apparent that it was the same crap over and over. I feel so much better now that I've stopped.