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Ugh.

Old 08-09-2014, 08:40 AM
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Unhappy Ugh.

So lost. Can't stop relapsing. Been on a bender and trying to get sober today. I can't even describe the anguish and pain I'm experiencing at this moment. Life looks really bleak. I don't think I will ever be able to stay sober. Today yes. Tomorrow maybe. But a week or month from now likely not. I wish I could just escape this life for good. Can't do this anymore.
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Old 08-09-2014, 08:56 AM
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It sounds like your thinking is self-defeating. Of course you can stop relapsing and be sober a week or a month from now. I hope you make the decision that alcohol is no longer an option for you. You can do this and you must not give in to this disease. What can you do differently to help your recovery?
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Old 08-09-2014, 09:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
It sounds like your thinking is self-defeating. Of course you can stop relapsing and be sober a week or a month from now. I hope you make the decision that alcohol is no longer an option for you. You can do this and you must not give in to this disease. What can you do differently to help your recovery?
STEP ONE:

Go back to you last relapse. Th day/days before.

What can YOU DO DIFFERENTLY so you are not in the position to have a drink near you or in your hand?
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Old 08-09-2014, 09:13 AM
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I am struggling with these exact thoughts right now. 17 days, first time ever. As you just said, how can I escape this? It is becoming increasingly clear.....if I am to escape...I have to remove myself from alcohol, period. (and the people that use it, at least for a while)
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Old 08-09-2014, 09:14 AM
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First of all, you really need to be ready to quit mentally and physically. When you are truly ready you will have a better chance at quitting for good. Trust me,I know it's hard, been there done that many times. When you feel the urge to drink come here and post or start attending AA meetings. Just a suggestion. If you have sober friends hang around them. I've been reading a lot on the disease and that has helped me. Changing your routine and keeping busy really helps. Maybe it will help you too. Good luck.
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Old 08-09-2014, 09:16 AM
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Like Gronk, I still struggle too. I'm also on day 17.
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Old 08-09-2014, 09:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 View Post
So lost. Can't stop relapsing. Been on a bender and trying to get sober today. I can't even describe the anguish and pain I'm experiencing at this moment. Life looks really bleak. I don't think I will ever be able to stay sober. Today yes. Tomorrow maybe. But a week or month from now likely not. I wish I could just escape this life for good. Can't do this anymore.
Yes.... the self-talk needs to turn around.

I know how hard that is, in the midst of climbing out of a relapse and feeling hopeless. Yet, that's exactly when you have to redouble your efforts to focus on POSITIVE thinking.

Start by finding just ONE GOOD THING.... go from there.

You are here today working in the direction of sobriety, and you've learned something from this lastest relapse - though you may not even see it yet. Just stubbornly fixate on that basic thought if that's all you can find....

Look every morning, sometime through the day and every night before bed and try to find One More Good Thing.

Keep focusing on the good things... when the ugly ugh thoughts come visiting, give them a nod and then look back to the good. Don't attach to them.

You can move beyond this and find your life gettting better and better and better and better....

it all starts with One Good Thing, Right Now.
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Old 08-09-2014, 09:31 AM
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I used to feel the same way. Defeated. Hopeless. But I made up my mind that I COULD get sober and stay sober and I finally did. I went to counseling and came here every day for support.

You can do this. Stop the negative self talk and talk yourself into sobriety.
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Old 08-09-2014, 09:38 AM
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I can empathize. Quitting drinking has been the hardest thing I have ever done -- harder than quitting smoking, falling in love, divorcing, exercising, eating right -- all of it.

For me the answer was to delve into the step work that is AA's suggested program of recovery. I had to abandon myself to it. Trust that it might work for me -- it was working for other people. I did what they told me to do. I trusted they might know what to do. Didn't always like it, certainly didn't believe it would work for me, but I did it anyway.

Now the precursor for me was this: I didn't quit drinking because someone thought it was a good idea, or I was trying to salvage a job, get out of the house, back in the house, get or keep a relationship, save my good reputation, seek fame, stay out of jail, or on a bet.

I was beat down by booze. I was desperate and would do anything not to have to do another day the way I was living. And I think you have to be "there."

Please note I may have been a high bottom drunk because I wasn't living on the streets, was still in school, had a part-time job, a driver license. But I knew it was merely a matter of time before those things - rights and privileges - were going to be revoked. Maybe permanently. Freedom was something I started to think was going to get taken away from me. I was a slave to alcohol, and I had no control over how much or what was going to happen. For the first time in my life I was truly scared.

Maybe you're not "there" yet. That's okay. See if you can control your drinking. That was what was suggested to me. Go to bars, wherever you drink and drink. See if you can stop abruptly and carry on with other life tasks. Then you can decide if you have a problem and what you want to do about it.

Best wishes.
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Old 08-09-2014, 09:52 AM
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Anybody can stay sober. You have to want to stay sober more than you want to drink, it honestly is that simple

And as they say, it's not really the stopping, it's the staying stopped & for that you do need a plan. Whatever works. Mine has been the 12 steps in AA, living those principles as best I can each day, & a comittment to my ongoing spiritual development

There is no magic wand. It doesn't take a special or particular kind of person. You just have to want to do it, that's all

Wish you well
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Old 08-09-2014, 10:04 AM
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23 yrs ago when I reach a point in my
life at 30 yrs.old, I was tired. Sick and
Tired of everything at that time in my
young life. I was happy as a mom with
2 little adorable children, because that
was all I wanted to do. However, I was
so unhappy in my marriage of about 7yrs.
and that I wasn't getting what I emotionally
needed from my spouse.

I drank to escape and don't think I could
have remained sober on my own for any
long period of time because of my unhappiness.

It took family to get me into recovery first
to find out my mental state because I was
ready to call it quits on life itself. I just wanted
to sleep. To catch up on sleep because I was
so tired.

Once I was evaluated on my mind, I was given
a green light to move forward on tackling my
addiction to alcohol. I was in fact relieved that
that was the culprit. All I needed to do was learn
about addiction fully and how it affected my mind,
my emotions, all areas of my life. Including my
place in my marriage and as a mom.

I learned as much as my mind could absorb
those first 28 days in rehab and was given
some important recovery tools consisting of
steps and principles to incorporate in my everyday
affairs.

Once alcohol was removed from my home so
that the temptation to reach for it wasn't there,
I began to work my program as taught to me
over a long period of many one days at a time.

Recovery is a journey in life, building, changing,
learning, applying what I continue to learn from
others in recovery like I and doing maintenanace
where needed to live a healthy, happy, honest
life.

I remain teachable and willing to do whatever
I need to do to achieve a better quality of life
more so than the one I was living before I entered
recovery 23 yrs ago.

A good reminder for myself is that if I ever
need help, I always know who to call upon,
where to go for help and never have to go
thru anything alone by myself again. To me,
that is extremely comforting as I continue
on my recovery journey sober.

You can too.
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Old 08-09-2014, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 View Post
So lost. Can't stop relapsing. Been on a bender and trying to get sober today. I can't even describe the anguish and pain I'm experiencing at this moment. Life looks really bleak. I don't think I will ever be able to stay sober. Today yes. Tomorrow maybe. But a week or month from now likely not. I wish I could just escape this life for good. Can't do this anymore.
Benders are no fun. It's hard to think clearly or see the forest through the trees when we are in them. Work on staying sober today, then tomorrow work on it tomorrow. With more sober time, you will have a different perspective on staying sober long-term.
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Old 08-09-2014, 10:54 AM
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I know what it feels like to be in the middle of a bender and not seeing any way out. It's a hopeless and frightening place to be.
Sometimes a change in environment can be very helpful. Do you have any sober friends or family that you could stay with for a while? If not, is treatment a possibility or at least detox for a week?
If you think going to AA meetings and getting support there would be enough, great, but I know for me, when I was binge drinking, I was in no shape physically or emotionally to even get to a meeting. That I did later after I was capable of doing it after a lot of both in-patient and out-patient help. It's different for everybody.
For me, I had to get out of where I was living and be somewhere where I felt supported and safe.
It takes a lot of determination and strength to get out of the black hole your in, but it can be done!!!!
I hope you find something that works for you. Good Luck
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Old 08-09-2014, 11:03 AM
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Mrrryah, it's ok to admit defeat and seek help....maybe detox/rehab is the answer for you, or maybe AA? Whatever it is, I think you just have to make the time and do it now....you're way to young to give your life to this terrible addiction....
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Old 08-09-2014, 11:05 AM
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What's your plan? are you getting enough support? meetings etc

For me I needed to keep tweaking my plan until I got there, simply relying on sheer will power to not drink and hanging on never got me anywhere, I needed more to my plan to produce lasting results!!

You can do this Mrrryah!!
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Old 08-09-2014, 11:51 AM
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Maybe don't try so hard? By that I mean your post is full of angst. I found that when I relaxed into the fact that I wasn't going to ever drink again my perspective changed from resistance to acceptance. I also agree with the above comments that until you want to be sober more than drunk you're in an uphill battle. I really spent a lot of time thinking about what I got out of it and it became apparent that it was the same crap over and over. I feel so much better now that I've stopped.
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Old 08-09-2014, 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 View Post
But a week or month from now likely not.
I think you have to take that thinking right out of the equation. Do not let the future defeat you. Staying sober today is an ENORMOUS win. Get out of your past...get out of your future and get through today sober..by whatever means possible. I put 4 months of sobriety together last year by taking life moment by moment and situation by situation. Whenever I started to fret bout how I was going to deal with something ahead of time..and if I started to feel "anxiety" I knew I had to get the hell out of the future and get right back into my own self in that moment. I let that sobriety get away from me for other reasons (which I am not fighting to address in this sobriety)...but by living each day situation by arriving situation I actually started to enjoy the big overripe fruits of sobriety. When I lost my sobriety and slowly started to wither back into drunkeness..it was THAT sobriety I wanted BACK. In sobriety I started to learn what I liked and didn't like. What I could handle and what I couldn't. I started to figure stuff out. I learned and I grew and I got bigger...my life got bigger..slowly and incremently.

I would have had over a year of sobriety had I stayed on path..and yes, sometimes I get upset bout that..but whatever..I didn't. I did not lose what I gained in that sobriety..which was essentially the realization..after going back to the bottle..that sobriety was better.

It wasn't easier..it was BETTER.

Change is hard work. Quitting isn't easy. There is no easy way really. We have to do the work. We need to have a plan with respect to the realization that we are going to want to drink sometimes. What do we do instead? What are you doing for sobriety? What are you changing? What are you allowing for? Are you participating in some sort of recovery group? Are you reading books on recovery? Are you seeking out other sober people and situations? Are you hanging out here even when you don't know what to do with yourself.

What are you doing to get sober? You need to mount a defense system my friend. Addiction is a formidable foe. Do not underestimate it strength and power and trickery. It is not just a matter of "I quit" and trying to live and think the exact same way.
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Old 08-09-2014, 01:31 PM
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I know the feeling, mrryah. If I had decent advice, I'd give it.

But I can give hug s.
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Old 08-09-2014, 04:13 PM
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Some great advice here mrryah

what have you tried in the past to try and stay sober?

D
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