I know what I have to do - I'm not sure how I should carry out what I have to do.
I want to tell him to leave. This man keeps disappointing me. I don't know if it's chronic selfishness on his part or not. I don't think it's up to me - to diagnosis.
I'm not sure if i'm going to ever learn my lesson and just leave him for good. I really don't know.
The positives in this whole situation is that I have been welcomed by a community church and feel that I have a better family for knowing all the great people that I have met. I can go to my celebrate recovery meetings with or without him - thanks to having child care there. I have lost 43lbs (good thing) exercising and eating healthy. I maintain my job, my house and finances with our without him and know that I DON'T NEED HIM.
I have to make him go. I have to find someone else to fill his position at my job. I have to tell the kids that daddy is going away again.
The life I choose - to be partnered with an addict. Not fun. I feel like i'm the only adult. The only responsible one. I can hear his excuses.
The hardest part is - is that where we are right now - all his behaviors are trying to mask the truth. He's being overly generous and taking me out to the movies and paying for everything. He's giving me all his money. Yet, I know it doesn't make it okay... and how I know that things can switch really bad in a few days or weeks.
I can't let him trick me. I have to stand strong. I am just so sad right now and disappointed.