Welcome, Kubis8!
This is a great place to read and learn. It helped me immensely when I stopped drinking.
I can relate to your story 100%. Add in a little driving under the influence and shopping at ten different stores so the clerks wouldn't know how much I drank, the 10PM recycling bin trips so my neighbors wouldn't know, the avoidance of phone calls and people so they wouldn't see me impaired, the many different moderation tricks I tried, the depression and anxiety, and you've described me at the end.