Well, I think I have figured out this. Treat these married guys as though they are the nice, loving, masculine fellows they want to portray. Enjoy them at their best, compliment, benefit. They can be absolutely lovely.
Then make no question about it. They are liars and cheats. Who knows what else. Don't let them think you are a fool. And don't be a fool. Don't wait around for them, but find them a line or two in your dance card. Let them chase.
Married guy #1, he lives with his family on the other side of the world completely. His wife is unlikely to come find me. He doesn't intend to leave his wife but he really needs to talk. We act like we are totally in love. He basically says he is in love with me. I know not to expect anything from him and then he will come to me on his own. At least for now. He's done this before. Maybe a lot.
Married guy #2 I haven't touched. He is being my training partner. He is about a perfect match to my sports abilities. I couldnt ask for better. All can seem pretty friendshipy. But his face completely changes with the phrase 'the children will be with their father for a few days'. Like, who is he suddenly? He looks like he is concentrating very seriously and he looks driven. Hmmm.
How does any of this nonsense benefit me? As long as they are nice, I am sick of waiting around for the right guy. At the rate xah is going, he or I or us both of us are going to be dead before long. I want every day possible to be a gift. And these guys are smart, strong and they make me smile. I will learn from and enjoy them as long as they behave themselves. They are both well established cheats and liars so I don't expect a wife to fixate on me. I also don't intend to stick around too long.
This is like a drug and now that I let go of that boundary, you could say that I am going to be in trouble. I don't think this phase will last that long.
Eventually a nice man will come around and I will be ready for him. Unless xah destroys me first.