Chin fell hard today, Lillamy.
I dropped 3 kilos last month. I have no desire to eat. I can't sleep that often. A couple of hours here and there.
I just feel like giving up. You know how people protest by not eating? I think I am doing that.
He isn't going to stop until he destroys our lives. He's worse than ever. The divorce counter proposal his lawyer sent me is the craziest piece of sh*t I have ever seen.
I blame the judicial system for allowing him to destroy us and our home financially, emotionally. They just take the money until we have nothing.
I've been on this super happy high until today. It was to counter the darkness that he is that is suffocating me.
If I fight or if I give up, it is all the same in the end. He leaves us with nothing.
My spirit is tired of fighting. I am exhausted. If I wind up in the hospital, if I give up, he'll still try to kill me though. He won't stop until I am extinguished.
As a footnote, I didn't take anyone's advice on the married man front. Go ahead and kick me. I met someone fabulous while in the US. I had the most romantic, loving, incredible time with someone who is married, bright, sensitive, sexy as h*ll, and it feels awfully genuinely like the right choice. He lives on yet another continent and writes beautifully every day and scheduled a trip here to see me next month and then again in October.
At the same time, my married neighbor is asserting himself rather thoroughly in my life and he's awfully nice and smart and kind to me. I haven't touched him but it feels like a matter of time at this point.
I figured out why the married ones. Because a single man could get all wound up with me and next thing I know they are obsessed and trying to control my life just like xah is doing now. These two guys are distracted by their wives, successful careers, fortune-building, egos and progeny. They might adore me but they are sober, calculating and self-interested. They aren't about to obsess about anything regarding me. I am just a pleasant diversion on a warm summer day.
I don't care!!! I just want some good moments before the roof caves in and xah finally kills me!!!