The IO is important jarp - that you are extremely afraid of his reaction says to me you are growing afraid of him, full stop.
I think you need to protect finances (not sure why posters here are suggesting that what your lawyer advises probably isn't legal??) and what from it sounds, your AH will not be able to keep up a facade of normalcy at work much longer.
Ethanol-related brain damage is real. Please carry through on the advice of your attorney and counselor and protect yourself. Make your home secure if it is not already.