jarp

This post was started by me, and it had a PROFOUND him pact on me.

Every share was like a punch in the gut...but like a little opening of the eye as well! Sme posts were hard to read...but they were EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Sometimes softly softly doesn't work so well with me...sometimes I need someone to say "what the h*ll are you thinking".

I didn't instantly chuck my AH out, it been baby steps. But this post led to me really thinking about how I was as responsible as my AH for what was happening to the kids, and through therapy I realised that I am actually more damaged by my codie mother not protecting us from my father, that I am by what my father did to me.

It hasn't been a perfect journey. I started by saying 'no drinking around the kids, no being drunk around the kids'. AH did surprisingly stick to that but it was too much for him to cope with and he went off the rails. I wouldn't let him back, he went to detox and planned for outpatient, i let him back, lasted a week, he's gone again! So it's two steps forward one back....but without him here I can clearly see that for my kids, not having him in their lives at this point has more benefits than what was happening with him here.

He wasn't violent or anything, it was the unpredictable, disengaged, aggressive, sarcastic, volatile nature of the alocholism that I could see affecting them.

Best of luck, read the posts lilimy has posted....they changed my kids lives.