jarp

I've been hesitating in updating. So many people gave their time to give me what I know is really good, solid advice from years of experience. I'm also feeling quite brittle...so please go easy-ish on me.

I did decide to let AH come home after detox. He came home Sunday, and has basically been sleeping most of the time, or eating. He's been to the GP, Psych, smart, and we have our family therapy appt this Saturday. He hasn't had a drink but I know it's very early days, and I know he is craving and struggling.

With the family therapist/ drunk and alcohol counsellor, I'll define my boundaries...for me, but also we are going to map out 'what if' scenarios - he's a 'consultant' this appeals to him. He's scared I am going to say...the minute you take a drink younare gone forever....and says he gets it if I do say that. But that he's scared. I said I don't know what to say...lets map it out this weekend. But he certainly isn't coming anywhere near the house if he lapses, or relapses, and a relapse will most likely result in the "never again" statement. But I know lapses and relapses are likely.....so am I just putting the writing on the wall...I didn't say that to him but that's my thoughts that are screwy.

I feel like I did have to give him a chance - it's the first time he's ever taken this step, and it felt too punishing to kick him out the first time he actually tries to sort himself out.

I realise that whole statement is about him. To be honest I am very conflicted as to whether I've done the right thing or not. I am not loving having him home, in his current state he certainly doesn't 'add' anything to the house, to us or to our family. I feel like I need to give one opportunity for it to work, so I am nt left feeling "well he tried to do the right thing.... But you couldn't support it". I KNOW if I didn't let him back that this would be a rationale and reasonable (and probably healthier) response. But just goes to show I have a long way to go because I'm not choosing rationale, reasonable or healthy probably. Oh and I do know I could have supported him even if it wasn't living at home...but I've made the choice to support him in this specific way bc of what I shared in my last post.

I know he probably won't be that one in a million who makes it on the first attempt...but I feel I need to give him this one chance.

Thanks to all who shared their thoughts and experience with me....the one good thing is if it doesn't happen, then I know I will be ok. I'm hoping I'll continue to have your support for which I am so so grateful, even if I am not following the overwhelming 'dont do it' advice!