Wow Shell- so many similarities for me. Really hits home- The lies, the blame, the cyclical and predictable nature, giving more chances just to be disappointed... Glad you've re-posted and seeking the support from SR- really has helped me remember I'm not insane trying to 'figure out' this insane disease. Good for you working on the fathering skills- that's most important. So I guess the question is, are you making any preparations to move on? Sure sounds like you're at the point of no return. I know for me, finally making that decision (even though i haven't actually delivered papers yet) has been somewhat empowering- finally feel like I'm taking steps towards obtaining my own peace from this hell, and better sheltering the kids from it as well. Wishing you the best.