Thanks to everyone for the words of wisdom, encouragement, advice and so much more!! I would like to share with everyone what I did today. Shortly after I shared my dilemma here with everyone, I received a text from him, reminding me that he needed money for his car payment and because he is overdrawn at the bank right now, he wanted to make a deal with me. I would cash a check for him and he would pay me back by Friday. Here is what I replied back:
"Son, as of right now...I am stopping everything financially. My AlAnon meeting last night, along with some advice from others helped me realize that I am inhibiting you from moving forward in life and in your recovery by giving you money. I love you and that's the reason the financial support is ending. There's so much more to you than what you see in yourself. You have a loving and wonderful heart and I cannot wait to see where God is going to take you! "
I was expecting anger, but instead I got this:
"Mom...I'm not upset or angry. I'm excited that you got what you needed from your meeting. I love you, momma"
After reading his reply...something hit me that really works to my advantage, even though I never planned on it doing so. What hit me is that my AlAnon group is extremely small...as well as the AA group he attends. A few that attend are in both groups. Because of the small intimacy of our groups...I think it will motivate my son to not push me now that I've laid the groundwork for this. Please understand that I didn't even think of this fact until he replied back to me so calmly. I'm still expecting that he will wait a few days and try again and I've got to stay strong...like a rock in a river that doesn't move (as someone put it earlier.)
I realize that I probably sugar coated the text I sent him a bit too much, but I'm not very plain spoken. I do need to learn to stop apologizing for everything and also to stop explaining and giving reasons. I like whoever said in an earlier post, "No"...is a complete sentence"! I love that.
I appreciate every single persons support here and the time each of you spent replying to me. I will be checking in regularly and updating everyone.
I welcome any other support or advice!
Blessings,
Clatono