Originally Posted by FeelingGreat

Clatono, it might be time for you to take the next step in your recovery and detach from your son, and stop rewarding for his behaviour. He is abusing you financially and emotionally, and if you find yourself denying this, go back and read your post. Read it as if it was someone else you are reading about. He is responsible for his mood, his sobriety, his financial management, and how his day goes. Not you. You seem to have taken all his burdens on board, and accept the blame for them, like a victim of abuse will often do. You may need support for saying no to him, because he 'gets ugly', and you feel threatened. The solution is to stop giving him money and ride out his rage, but you may not feel strong enough to do this right now, which is why I suggest support. Where does your husband stand in all this? Can you count on him to see your son off when he gets abusive? Please don't think that behaving the way you do now will bring you closer to him, or help him. You're teaching him that all he has to do is threaten and bully and he'll get what he wants. As for his sobriety, I know this sounds harsh, but it's not really your business. He's married now, he's an adult, and you're reinforcing the idea that he's a child who continually needs your support and help. In some personalities, this just reinforces their own tendency to bully through fear and lack of confidence in themselves. Step back and let him do it for himself. He won't like it but if you want him to grow up, it's the only way.