Failure or set back - not sure. My husband had almost 200 days sober. Then he noticeably acted strange on Thursday. I knew he had used. He ended up admitting it fully last night.
My boundary was never to live with an active addict - to protect myself - and I still hold true to that. Yet, my hopeful thinking has me thinking that this could just be a lapse and not a full blown relapse. I will not know for sure until time reveals the true nature of this. Of course if it continues on i'm going to have to make him leave.
We work together. He doesn't go out with friends. He's home every night and all of his money is accounted for. He knows that he has messed up and admitted it. Which - he would have NEVER done in the past. This is new.
I'm going to continue taking care of myself and keeping my self promises. My life will move forward with or without him and i'm being extremely cautious and aware. No denial here.
I know its a very real possibility that I will be a single mom again. This time I do have a lot of "his" money he has earned saved and in a safe place. The bank (he has no passwords or access) I have been through this enough times to know his "tells" so he cannot hide the truth. If something doesn't look right, feel right.. it isn't right. I'm still in shock that he actually admitted it... which I didn't think he would and maybe this bit of being honest gave me the hope that he can pick himself up quickly and move forward. If not - I know what I will have to do. I know I will follow through. I know i'm strong. I love myself and i'm confident that either way I will be okay.
