First night out
So last night was my first night out with friends and although I went I really didn't want to and even tried to back out. I was very tearful when I got home from work he wasn't there to help me decide what to wear or tell me I looked gorgeous or ease my anxieties about going out, I don't go out often!! I suppose it was like the first time you go to the supermarket and you go to pick up items that they like only to realise you don't need to buy it as they're not at home, maybe that's a silly comparison!!
Anyway my daughter helped me decide what to wear and off I went I did have a good night but with certain songs that came on I found myself crying. I wanted to text him all night but didn't as I knew that I would only upset myself more and the night would become about texting him back & forth and no hope of enjoying myself and I would become more and more upset.
When I got home I began to feel angry and walked about my kitchen saying all the things I wanted to say to him that night, but I still didn't make contact with him. I realised that I am stronger now and control my impulse to contact him and ask questions or maybe it's just that I've realised that he won't give me the answers that I need and never will so what's the point!!
Today though I am feeling really depressed and very tearful. I did have a good night and I am glad I went out so why am I feeling so depressed??