jmartin

I can't say how many times I am reminded of these cartoons in my situation. When will I learn? How many times does she make me a chump before I say "no more?" Well, I think I am finally ready to give up on my kicking career.

Stay strong - I have been down this road so many times. I have wanted to believe in her recovery and that somehow she was rounding the corner, only to be greeted by another inexplicable relapse a few hours/days/weeks later. I have wanted to believe, to offer her support and encouragement, to help her find her way back, only to find it was just another time she was telling me what she thought I wanted to hear, to shift the focus away from her drinking, to maintain the status quo, to get yet another chance. It is a skill that most functional addicts seem to have honed to a fine art.

I kicked my AW out of the house three weeks ago. We are not going no contact, we talk/text every other day or so - at her request - and go to weekly counseling sessions. I have told her that I feel no obligation to talk to her, even if I just don't feel like it - I am taking care of myself, and not willing to risk my peace of mind by getting drawn in to a conversation that I just don't want to have.

Last night she called me after getting home from an AA meeting where she said they talked about humility, which seemed to resonate for her - right into self-pity. Although at this point, I can't tell if the emotion is genuine or not, or whether she is just fishing a sympathetic "no, no, of course you are not a loser."

I told her if she wanted to talk about these things, she should talk to her sponsor. Her recovery is her own business, and I really don't want to hear much about it, and I am not qualified to offer advice.

I have also told her I don't want to talk because I don't know that I can respond in a productive way. Right now, I am not in a place where I can honestly offer sympathy, friendship, wisdom, or even patience. She seems to approach our conversations with the expectation of getting warm fuzzies - and when that doesn't happen, when she doesn't get what she wants, things veer off the rails. I am sick of her fishing for compliments because she happens to, on a few occasions, live up the responsibilities of being an adult, and then getting angry and petulant when her attempts to manipulate me fail.

With her out of the house, I have found peace and relief, and can see that I don't need to live like I have been. I am not yet able to interact with her in a way that doesn't disturb my equilibrium - and I no longer feel bad about that, or choosing not to buy in to her drama.