I need some motivation :( He's texting and I'm feeling bad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 78
I need some motivation :( He's texting and I'm feeling bad
Please give me some motivation to not respond... I'm an hour away to a week with no contact.. He's asking me to respond and telling me he misses me... I know I can't but I'm just so sad..
DNR - Do not Respond, Do not Resuscitate.
You are doing really good, and you came here before you responded to him. Good for you.
Stick around here, and read your post as to why you went no contact.
(((((hugs))))))
You are doing really good, and you came here before you responded to him. Good for you.
Stick around here, and read your post as to why you went no contact.
(((((hugs))))))
Remember how serene you felt when he was in jail?
I think your time would be better spent tonight thinking of other things DNR might mean, like, Do Not Relapse, Do Not Rely (on the unreliable.), Do Not Regurgitate.
Just stay here with us until this moment passes, and it will.
I think your time would be better spent tonight thinking of other things DNR might mean, like, Do Not Relapse, Do Not Rely (on the unreliable.), Do Not Regurgitate.
Just stay here with us until this moment passes, and it will.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: acceptance
Posts: 126
Same thing the 3rd time I left he went into rehab again to "prove to me" but this time I stood my ground and I absolutely know I made the right decision.
Many of us are guilty of putting the cart before the horse and believing words of them wanting sobriety, promises of things will change..............rather then waiting to actually witness it before going back, we rush so we don't have to feel the pain or feel the fear of a relationship ending.
Without some kind of outside help, people don't change and certainly not in a week or two on their own.
History doesn't repeat itself......people repeat history.
Without some kind of outside help, people don't change and certainly not in a week or two on their own.
History doesn't repeat itself......people repeat history.
Turn off your phone, take it far by day. You are doing well. What else could help calm your anxiety?
And have an excellent laugh at Amy55's responses.....I literally snorted wi laughter over 'do not resuscitate' and 'do not regurgitate'!!!
And have an excellent laugh at Amy55's responses.....I literally snorted wi laughter over 'do not resuscitate' and 'do not regurgitate'!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
If you block his number you won't see the pathetic attempts to manipulate you. You have done this twice before with the same awful results.
you don't need his crapola, you want a better way to date and live. not someone who makes you sick and upset.
you don't need his crapola, you want a better way to date and live. not someone who makes you sick and upset.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 78
Thanks guys… your words always help.
I have a solid week under my belt of NC... Some of those days I was fine, other days I was sad... I can just hope it gets easier .... I don't know why I feel so bad ignoring him... I just have to keep reminding myself "what about me?"
I have a solid week under my belt of NC... Some of those days I was fine, other days I was sad... I can just hope it gets easier .... I don't know why I feel so bad ignoring him... I just have to keep reminding myself "what about me?"
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 102
I can't say how many times I am reminded of these cartoons in my situation. When will I learn? How many times does she make me a chump before I say "no more?" Well, I think I am finally ready to give up on my kicking career.
Stay strong - I have been down this road so many times. I have wanted to believe in her recovery and that somehow she was rounding the corner, only to be greeted by another inexplicable relapse a few hours/days/weeks later. I have wanted to believe, to offer her support and encouragement, to help her find her way back, only to find it was just another time she was telling me what she thought I wanted to hear, to shift the focus away from her drinking, to maintain the status quo, to get yet another chance. It is a skill that most functional addicts seem to have honed to a fine art.
I kicked my AW out of the house three weeks ago. We are not going no contact, we talk/text every other day or so - at her request - and go to weekly counseling sessions. I have told her that I feel no obligation to talk to her, even if I just don't feel like it - I am taking care of myself, and not willing to risk my peace of mind by getting drawn in to a conversation that I just don't want to have.
Last night she called me after getting home from an AA meeting where she said they talked about humility, which seemed to resonate for her - right into self-pity. Although at this point, I can't tell if the emotion is genuine or not, or whether she is just fishing a sympathetic "no, no, of course you are not a loser."
I told her if she wanted to talk about these things, she should talk to her sponsor. Her recovery is her own business, and I really don't want to hear much about it, and I am not qualified to offer advice.
I have also told her I don't want to talk because I don't know that I can respond in a productive way. Right now, I am not in a place where I can honestly offer sympathy, friendship, wisdom, or even patience. She seems to approach our conversations with the expectation of getting warm fuzzies - and when that doesn't happen, when she doesn't get what she wants, things veer off the rails. I am sick of her fishing for compliments because she happens to, on a few occasions, live up the responsibilities of being an adult, and then getting angry and petulant when her attempts to manipulate me fail.
With her out of the house, I have found peace and relief, and can see that I don't need to live like I have been. I am not yet able to interact with her in a way that doesn't disturb my equilibrium - and I no longer feel bad about that, or choosing not to buy in to her drama.
Stay strong - I have been down this road so many times. I have wanted to believe in her recovery and that somehow she was rounding the corner, only to be greeted by another inexplicable relapse a few hours/days/weeks later. I have wanted to believe, to offer her support and encouragement, to help her find her way back, only to find it was just another time she was telling me what she thought I wanted to hear, to shift the focus away from her drinking, to maintain the status quo, to get yet another chance. It is a skill that most functional addicts seem to have honed to a fine art.
I kicked my AW out of the house three weeks ago. We are not going no contact, we talk/text every other day or so - at her request - and go to weekly counseling sessions. I have told her that I feel no obligation to talk to her, even if I just don't feel like it - I am taking care of myself, and not willing to risk my peace of mind by getting drawn in to a conversation that I just don't want to have.
Last night she called me after getting home from an AA meeting where she said they talked about humility, which seemed to resonate for her - right into self-pity. Although at this point, I can't tell if the emotion is genuine or not, or whether she is just fishing a sympathetic "no, no, of course you are not a loser."
I told her if she wanted to talk about these things, she should talk to her sponsor. Her recovery is her own business, and I really don't want to hear much about it, and I am not qualified to offer advice.
I have also told her I don't want to talk because I don't know that I can respond in a productive way. Right now, I am not in a place where I can honestly offer sympathy, friendship, wisdom, or even patience. She seems to approach our conversations with the expectation of getting warm fuzzies - and when that doesn't happen, when she doesn't get what she wants, things veer off the rails. I am sick of her fishing for compliments because she happens to, on a few occasions, live up the responsibilities of being an adult, and then getting angry and petulant when her attempts to manipulate me fail.
With her out of the house, I have found peace and relief, and can see that I don't need to live like I have been. I am not yet able to interact with her in a way that doesn't disturb my equilibrium - and I no longer feel bad about that, or choosing not to buy in to her drama.
I would say to keep yourself busy. That is what helped me in the past during hard times. I kept so busy I did not have time to think about it. Time does heal things, it will get easier!
You can do this!
You can do this!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Santa Rosa CA
Posts: 240
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 65
I know exactly how you feel. I have been separated from my AH for 29 days today. Until yesterday, I have answered every call, every text, every note left on the counter (He's in our house but I go there when he's at work). Yesterday I let him leave a message. Is it bad that I listened to the message? Why is it that some days I am absolutely positive that I am doing the right thing and other days (like today) that I question everything? I read back through my journals, my post on SR, the awful text messages he sends, but I still find myself wondering if I'm wrong. The only thing really keeping me away is our daughter. If it weren't for the trauma he's already put her through I would probably go back. Just being honest here. I admire your week!
I know exactly how you feel. I have been separated from my AH for 29 days today. Until yesterday, I have answered every call, every text, every note left on the counter (He's in our house but I go there when he's at work). Yesterday I let him leave a message. Is it bad that I listened to the message? Why is it that some days I am absolutely positive that I am doing the right thing and other days (like today) that I question everything? I read back through my journals, my post on SR, the awful text messages he sends, but I still find myself wondering if I'm wrong. The only thing really keeping me away is our daughter. If it weren't for the trauma he's already put her through I would probably go back. Just being honest here. I admire your week!
I erased any nice messages he left for me, any nice text he left for me. (actually I erased none at all. There weren't any nice messages or text) . If I felt I needed to call him I would listen to those before dialing, and know it was just going to be one of those conversations that lead to nowhere, but just spin your head around like in the movie the Exorcist.
I also had my own private tape recordings that I could listen to at anytime I felt like I wanted to pick up the phone. They just had me vomiting in the bathroom and I couldn't use the phone then.
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