I need some motivation :( He's texting and I'm feeling bad

Old 07-21-2014, 07:58 PM
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I need some motivation :( He's texting and I'm feeling bad

Please give me some motivation to not respond... I'm an hour away to a week with no contact.. He's asking me to respond and telling me he misses me... I know I can't but I'm just so sad..
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Old 07-21-2014, 08:03 PM
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Just make a list of all the awful things he has done. I do that when I am feeling weak to remind me why I am where I am...
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Old 07-21-2014, 08:05 PM
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Quack quack quack. That's all it is. Can you turn off your phone or at least block his texts? No need to listen to that all night.
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Old 07-21-2014, 08:07 PM
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DNR - Do not Respond, Do not Resuscitate.

You are doing really good, and you came here before you responded to him. Good for you.

Stick around here, and read your post as to why you went no contact.

(((((hugs))))))
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Old 07-21-2014, 08:13 PM
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You posted this recently.......

This is my second time around with this guy and of course things ended exactly the same way..

Do you really want to go for a third??
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Old 07-21-2014, 08:27 PM
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Remember how serene you felt when he was in jail?

I think your time would be better spent tonight thinking of other things DNR might mean, like, Do Not Relapse, Do Not Rely (on the unreliable.), Do Not Regurgitate.

Just stay here with us until this moment passes, and it will.

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Old 07-21-2014, 08:39 PM
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Originally Posted by atalose View Post
You posted this recently.......

This is my second time around with this guy and of course things ended exactly the same way..

Do you really want to go for a third??
I couldn't have said this better. My 2nd time out I listened to texts and phone messages saying how much he missed me. Thought if I talked with him face to face I would know if he really meant it or not. He convinced me he wanted to be sober and save our marriage so I went back for the 3rd time. He went right back to what he was and eventually it got worse than the first 2 times.

Same thing the 3rd time I left he went into rehab again to "prove to me" but this time I stood my ground and I absolutely know I made the right decision.
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Old 07-21-2014, 08:53 PM
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Many of us are guilty of putting the cart before the horse and believing words of them wanting sobriety, promises of things will change..............rather then waiting to actually witness it before going back, we rush so we don't have to feel the pain or feel the fear of a relationship ending.

Without some kind of outside help, people don't change and certainly not in a week or two on their own.

History doesn't repeat itself......people repeat history.
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Old 07-21-2014, 09:04 PM
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Just for today...

You do not need to respond. You can make it 24 hours not responding. Then after that 24 hours, you can make it another 24 hours.
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Old 07-21-2014, 09:10 PM
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Turn off your phone, take it far by day. You are doing well. What else could help calm your anxiety?

And have an excellent laugh at Amy55's responses.....I literally snorted wi laughter over 'do not resuscitate' and 'do not regurgitate'!!!
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Old 07-22-2014, 04:30 AM
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If you block his number you won't see the pathetic attempts to manipulate you. You have done this twice before with the same awful results.

you don't need his crapola, you want a better way to date and live. not someone who makes you sick and upset.
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Old 07-22-2014, 05:06 AM
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kkallday...remember Charlie Brown and Lucy...and the football....?

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Old 07-22-2014, 07:03 AM
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Thanks guys… your words always help.

I have a solid week under my belt of NC... Some of those days I was fine, other days I was sad... I can just hope it gets easier .... I don't know why I feel so bad ignoring him... I just have to keep reminding myself "what about me?"
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Old 07-22-2014, 07:50 AM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
kkallday...remember Charlie Brown and Lucy...and the football....?
I can't say how many times I am reminded of these cartoons in my situation. When will I learn? How many times does she make me a chump before I say "no more?" Well, I think I am finally ready to give up on my kicking career.

Stay strong - I have been down this road so many times. I have wanted to believe in her recovery and that somehow she was rounding the corner, only to be greeted by another inexplicable relapse a few hours/days/weeks later. I have wanted to believe, to offer her support and encouragement, to help her find her way back, only to find it was just another time she was telling me what she thought I wanted to hear, to shift the focus away from her drinking, to maintain the status quo, to get yet another chance. It is a skill that most functional addicts seem to have honed to a fine art.

I kicked my AW out of the house three weeks ago. We are not going no contact, we talk/text every other day or so - at her request - and go to weekly counseling sessions. I have told her that I feel no obligation to talk to her, even if I just don't feel like it - I am taking care of myself, and not willing to risk my peace of mind by getting drawn in to a conversation that I just don't want to have.

Last night she called me after getting home from an AA meeting where she said they talked about humility, which seemed to resonate for her - right into self-pity. Although at this point, I can't tell if the emotion is genuine or not, or whether she is just fishing a sympathetic "no, no, of course you are not a loser."

I told her if she wanted to talk about these things, she should talk to her sponsor. Her recovery is her own business, and I really don't want to hear much about it, and I am not qualified to offer advice.

I have also told her I don't want to talk because I don't know that I can respond in a productive way. Right now, I am not in a place where I can honestly offer sympathy, friendship, wisdom, or even patience. She seems to approach our conversations with the expectation of getting warm fuzzies - and when that doesn't happen, when she doesn't get what she wants, things veer off the rails. I am sick of her fishing for compliments because she happens to, on a few occasions, live up the responsibilities of being an adult, and then getting angry and petulant when her attempts to manipulate me fail.

With her out of the house, I have found peace and relief, and can see that I don't need to live like I have been. I am not yet able to interact with her in a way that doesn't disturb my equilibrium - and I no longer feel bad about that, or choosing not to buy in to her drama.
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Old 07-22-2014, 08:24 AM
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I would say to keep yourself busy. That is what helped me in the past during hard times. I kept so busy I did not have time to think about it. Time does heal things, it will get easier!

You can do this!
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Old 07-22-2014, 10:24 AM
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Originally Posted by kkallday21 View Post
Please give me some motivation to not respond... I'm an hour away to a week with no contact.. He's asking me to respond and telling me he misses me... I know I can't but I'm just so sad..
Block his texts
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Old 07-22-2014, 08:11 PM
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I know exactly how you feel. I have been separated from my AH for 29 days today. Until yesterday, I have answered every call, every text, every note left on the counter (He's in our house but I go there when he's at work). Yesterday I let him leave a message. Is it bad that I listened to the message? Why is it that some days I am absolutely positive that I am doing the right thing and other days (like today) that I question everything? I read back through my journals, my post on SR, the awful text messages he sends, but I still find myself wondering if I'm wrong. The only thing really keeping me away is our daughter. If it weren't for the trauma he's already put her through I would probably go back. Just being honest here. I admire your week!
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Old 07-22-2014, 10:44 PM
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Originally Posted by cherra View Post
I know exactly how you feel. I have been separated from my AH for 29 days today. Until yesterday, I have answered every call, every text, every note left on the counter (He's in our house but I go there when he's at work). Yesterday I let him leave a message. Is it bad that I listened to the message? Why is it that some days I am absolutely positive that I am doing the right thing and other days (like today) that I question everything? I read back through my journals, my post on SR, the awful text messages he sends, but I still find myself wondering if I'm wrong. The only thing really keeping me away is our daughter. If it weren't for the trauma he's already put her through I would probably go back. Just being honest here. I admire your week!
Thank you for being honest cherra. I was the same way. I would carry my phone around with me all the time just in case he called. See, I was supposed to answer his calls, thats what cell phones are for, you take them with you, but he wouldn't answer my phone call for weeks, and we were married!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I erased any nice messages he left for me, any nice text he left for me. (actually I erased none at all. There weren't any nice messages or text) . If I felt I needed to call him I would listen to those before dialing, and know it was just going to be one of those conversations that lead to nowhere, but just spin your head around like in the movie the Exorcist.

I also had my own private tape recordings that I could listen to at anytime I felt like I wanted to pick up the phone. They just had me vomiting in the bathroom and I couldn't use the phone then.
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Old 07-23-2014, 03:57 AM
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cherra - use your brain and not your heart. I have been told that and it resonated with me. hugs to you..
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