Hi guys. I'm doing a lot better. My hospital appointment went well, no obvious signs of cancer and I'm just waiting on the results of a biopsy. I'm fairly confident it will be ok, and even if it isn't i will deal with it.
My Dad is home from hospital, on oxygen, and with nursing care. After spending a lot of time wondering whether I did the right thing by calling out that ambulance, I've made my peace with it now. I did what I thought was right at that time. My parents are looking to me for a lot of support and that feels ok. It is easier now he's home. I was driving 120 miles a day last week between home, work, my Mums and the hospital and I was a wreck.
Work has been simpler. My boss has been very supportive, giving me time off to see the oncologist with them and letting me leave early so I can do the hospital visiting run. And I've got 4 days left until the term ends and I can rest properly.
My Dad is going to die. We don't know when. There has been a lot of history there and I guess I've been scared to develop feelings for him because I was better off not caring. But spending so much time with them both is helping me see that nothing is really as simple as we think.
I will be ok I think. Lots of thoughts of drinking just lately, but I'm on top of them and I won't do it. That's just old memories and my AV trying to take advantage. It won't happen.
Thank you all for being there with me through this x