soberjuly

Took son to ortho - remembered getting mad there once because they started my son's appt 30 mins late and I had to pick up another kid and got worried about time. I was so rude the orthodontist came out to my car, after my son and I had left the office, and apologized. I felt guilty because I probably had booze in me.

Then I had to drop my 2 older kids off for the camp bus. Saw a man I was rude to. We exchanged civil words but I felt like a sh-thead because I was just a bitch when I was drinking.

Then stayed to wave at the bus for a bit, then had to leave because the bus had been waiting for a latecomer...and this family, she had emailed me about something and got an incoherent rude drunk email back. One where I had to backtrack and apologize and make excuses.

If I drank too much, I always woke up and had to immediately check what emails I had sent and then FB to see if I posted something weird and/or offensive.

Took my little one to the mall and we saw "Malificient". I related SO much to Malificient. She's starts out fine, then she gets mad at the world and then she becomes happy again. You don't have to drink when you have super powers.

Then I took my daughter to the mall play place. I sat in the play area and there was a dad sitting in the waiting area. Later, when my daughter made a friend I went to sit in the waiting area. This dad had walked out into the hall to make a phone call.

Then he walked back inside and right past me to where he was sitting. He REEKED of alcohol. It was a strange moment.

I wondered if I ever reeked that bad. I felt guilty because I really don't know. I mean I can assume I did at times but if I knew it would just make me feel worse.

So lots of guilt today.

Bought a bunch of fruits and veggies, raw nuts and etc. Tomato juice. I don't want to be like the guy I saw at the play place.

I once saw a man when I picked up my daughter from gymnastics (a couple years ago) who reeked of booze. I hadn't drank anything (yet) that day.

Both of these men, the one I saw years ago at gymnastics and the one I saw today, both were calm and collected and not acting drunk at all.

They probably had NO idea they reeked of alcohol. I remember I used to think, I hope no one can smell booze on me and I would feel they couldn't because I was able to act normal.

If I didn't have kids in a school system they loved, I would move. Seriously. I'm sure I am a known drunk even though no one ever said anything to me. I'm sure I spoke to people and reeked of booze.