writerunsober...your post reminds me exactly why I don't like counting days. It made me little angry you are feeling pressured to celebrate the way someone else thinks you should. You should not feel bad saying that to them.
After I struggled with the 90 day mark, I knew counting wasn't for me.
I have no real suggestions....people have stayed sober without doing the steps, but if it's closure you want, would therapy be an option to discuss things privately?
Have you tried other methods like Lifering etc?