I'm just so confused. I'm really trying not to worry so much and just go with the flow yet make choices that protect my son. But I sometimes feel like it is all out of my control and I am failing. It makes me very upset that the xah has no clue of the emotional upset he has created, and here I am again sweeping up the mess ALL BYMYSELF. It is overwhelming.
Well, if you think about it, your AXH's behavior and actions aren't in your control. He's going to do whatever it is he does. So the only thing you can do is what you're doing, which is protecting your son.
I would gently encourage you to not dwell on the fact that your AXH's appears ambivalent about the consequences of his actions. The truth is so long as he's using, he doesn't care about what he's left in his wake. Why ruminate over something you can't control? All that does is create a feedback loop which makes you feel worse than you need to feel.