Moderation?
With all the recent talk in this section about forum rules and sticking to secular recovery only, something caught my eye. I have "only" been on and off SR since 2010, but I never knew there once once a "Moderation Forum" here on SR. That surprised me, so I thought maybe I heard wrong.
My husband surprised me just the other day by commenting that he was probably the only one of us who "really" had a drinking problem. He grew up in a severely alcoholic home, his parents owned bars and he spent time in them when he was a baby, and his parents had raging "drunk fights" on a regular basis. His mother started feeding him wine early on, and by the time he was sixteen, he had a glass of wine with dinner. Not surprisingly, his parents died horrific deaths, both related to severe alcoholism.
Yes, my husband's "problem" was worse than mine. He topped out at a gallon of Carlo Rossi rhine wine every night and often went to get more, and his favorite "sport" was beer and pool with friends at a local pub. MY "problem" was two bottles of Cold Duck every night. Oh, I always planned to drink only one, but that was a rarity at the end.
We both quit drinking in 1991: I quit in January, and he followed in March when he realized I was "serious." Neither of us has ever drunk alcohol again. These days, being a non-drinker is as easy as breathing, and neither of us is ever tempted. However, he hasn't played pool for over twenty years, something he used to love to do. Too strong a connection with the beer, and he says he would not have fun playing pool without it.
To be honest, I have considered "moderation" over the years. I'm a "second generation" alcoholic -- my parents did not drink until I left home (my mom was a wino for a few years in the 70's, then stopped), but both my grandpas were alcoholics, my mom's dad being the worst. I was never interested in drinking until I after I married my husband. I joined him slowly, then gradually built up to the 2 bottles/day of Cold Duck over the course of a 20 year drinking habit. By then, alcohol "had me."
I do think I could have a glass of wine here and there, perhaps at a restaurant. My husband has even given me the "okay" to do that. However, I have never taken him up on it. His family history is too strong, as is his personal history, and I would not even consider "doing that" to him. Even thought I think I could probably do it and stick to a glass of wine on the rare occasion of a family celebration or special dinner out.
Is that my AV? Really? Since alcohol was an "acquired taste" for me, I sometimes wonder if I am a "real" alcoholic. I don't think I have the enzyme deficiency some alcoholics do (acetaldehydism). When I quit drinking in 1991, I even bought a bottle of Cold Duck and kept it in the fridge -- however, it became the impetus for me to really quit drinking -- knowing I could drink it if I wanted to empowered me. I had the choice, and I chose not to do it.
On a website like SR, I'm not sure I want to even talk about this. My guess is that the "collective beast" would gather in numbers.
Maybe I am really just a "normie" who got steered down the garden path?
I really don't know, and I won't likely experiment with the idea. Just some Sunday morning musings.
FT