Hugs Meggem. I know this is a difficult time for you. Stay stong! You can do this.
Keep reading and reminding yourself what brought you here. Someone suggested putting it on an index card and keeping it in your purse or pocket so you can pull it out when the doubts start setting in. Also what helps when I reread my posts is I can see that nothing at all has changed with my ADH since I came here 2 or 3 years ago.
He is still drinking, still not carrying his load with the kids or the household, still emotionally unavailable, still the roller coaster of not knowing what I am walking into on a daily basis. I know in my heart if I stay it will be the same in 10 years and I will still be unhappy. If I leave there is a chance that I can find happiness and the kids will get to see a healthy household instead of a dysfunctional one.