Good luck Mike. You CAN do this! i felt the same way last year when i hadn't gone a single day with out drinking in years. I would find a way to drink even when i was ill! When i finally decided to stop it took too many tries to count, but one day i said enough is enough. I went 9 months without a drink.
i'm back on day 4 now, but have learned from my previous mistakes, as well as my successes.
You can do this.
For me the toughest days are the first 6 or 7. It is so worth the initial pain of those first days. You are here, at SR, so not without hope.
I couldn't have began my path without the folks here.
Best of luck!