Panacea an Freein I also have the goal to start excersizing daily, even if only as little as half a mile. In fact, I think I will make that my goal for now. Half a mile per day. Because I know that 9/10 days I will choose to go further than that once I get going. And if I don't, something is better than nothing.
Tops good job on getting your laptop working
ST congrats on getting the help that you needed!
Lucrezia I share your sense of wariness about the future. It's hard to trust. COngrats on day 15
Izzy it is hard for me not to shut out the world right now. That's what I did last time too. It was like a dark lonely cave. I have been trying to shut down my emotions because the thought of going back to that place is so scary. But I know that's not healthy, so I've been making a concious effor to experience the grief at least a little bit.
Mariah the lake trip sounds like something that would be way out of my comfort zone as well, but it sounds like your family supports you. I hope you have a good time.
Applekat I'm glad you posted. Sorry about your slip ups but just be proud that you caught yourself. It probably wasn't easy to pour the rest of that bottle out.
Freein I have considered going to the doctor for my sleep problems but I want to wait a while. I really don't want to be on meds, but on the other hand I have been taking otc sleep aids. Still, I am trying not to do that either. I have a couple of unusually circumstances making my insomnia worse lately. Goes without saying I lay awake and think about mom, but I usually start to fall asleep around 1 or 2. Seems like around that time the neighbors dog (which lives in a pen not far from our house) has chosen to start barking nonstop for about an hour around that time each night. Also, my 5 yr old has an upper respiratory infection and has been waking me up at around 4am the past few days. ;(
Good luck on your appraisal today!
Well, I talked to my husband yesterday. I told him that I planned to not drink anymore. He asked "Forever?" and I told him that I can't see into the future but that would be the desired outcome. He then said that he would get on the wagon with me. I responded that it was not necessary, but told him I do need his help and that not drinking around me would be part of that at least for a while. I said that if he does plan to drink at home, I don't mind but we will not be spending that time together. I will find something to do to occupy me elsewhere. He continued that he DID want to quit drinking as well. I told him that's fine, but I am doing this on my own even if we both do it, I don't want to slip up if he changes his mind. He then said that he should get rid of the alcohol in the house...by drinking it, and asked if I minded. His "last time". I reminded him that his parents are coming this weekend and there's no point in getting rid of it because they will buy some anyway. Just let them drink what we have. I said tthat he's probably going to want to drink while they're here anyway. He said he wouldn't. He asked if it would bother me if he drank what we have left and I said no. He didn't drink it all but he did have a beer at dinner. He asked again before opening it if it would bother me. It didn't but I was a little suprised that he would do that within hours of that conversation. I guess in his mind he really is just going to finish what we have and maybe that's true. I don't know. I don't care. Oh, I forgot..he thought about it and later said "until football season" he won't drink. But if once all that alcohol is gone I plan to bring it up again and tell him that it is important to me that he doesn't drink when we are together. That means don't even ask permission, like he did this time.
I feel like I've been Pavlov's dog for so long, like I have a conditioned response. I'm trying to figure out what it is that rings my bell. I believe that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks and I'm going to learn how to outsmart my triggers. Until I do, I need to be cautious. I might THINK it's OK to be around my husband if he drinks, but I can't be sure. I might THINK it's OK to have alcohol in the house, but I can't be sure. So unless company is here, after what we have is gone, I'm going to ask him to keep it out.