Active alcoholics have a lot of underlying emotional problems that they are numbing and medicating with alcohol. My ex suffered from brain injuries, PTSD, depression, nightmares, anxiety due to deployments in Iraq and Afghanistan. I wanted more than anything to be there for him, support him, help him heal. We'd been through a war together, survived that, only to come home and have alcoholism kick our teeth in.
He didn't want to heal, and no matter how much I wanted it for him, he just kept on drinking, numbing the pain, stuffing the emotions until it boiled over into violence against me and our family. He brought the war home with him. He's still fighting it every day, trying to drown pain with poison. Me being there wouldn't have accomplished a single thing but to put me and my kids in danger. He'll either come through the other side or he won't. I am and always was powerless to lead him out.
It's good that you had this time to talk with him, but maybe just leave things where they are. It's probably the closest you will ever get to understanding, and continued contact isn't going to do anything but prolong your pain. I'm really rooting for you to heal. You have a big loving heart. You're a good person.
Take some of the compassion you're feeling for him and use it to heal yourself. You deserve better. Hugs.