Its just unfair.
I don't know why I'm still posting.
I'm really tired tonight. It's hard to describe. I said in my first post that I'd been through some things in my life, but managed to get through them okay. The things are not insignificant things, but I got through them, because that's what you're supposed to do. This school was supposed to be the payoff. This relationship was supposed to work. This time things were supposed to be better. Instead, my ex is back on heroin, in just as much danger as always (which is still hard to know and live with, even if I am very cognizant of my inability to make even the slightest impact on that), and my heart's broken and I feel like I have less left in me than ever.
I'm almost jealous of him sometimes. He gets a precious few hours when he feels amazing on drugs. I got all the ****, and none of the perks, and nobody who understands. He gets sympathy for struggling with addiction, and I get that I should've known better, and that he looked like trouble, and that I was asking for this.
I feel so kicked.