Welcome back Marie
Sounds like you're at the same crossroad many of us reach.
I could be the person I wanted to be...and live the life I wanted to have...or I could drink - but I couldn't do both.
Giving up drinking does involve change - it makes us different...but as alcoholics we're already different.
If anyone else lost hours of their life and didn't have a cliue what they did, they'd think about changing their ways.
I didn't. I got used to my blackouts.
That's plenty 'different' enough for anybody I think.
Be a good 'different'
D