masonHawk, I don't have any answers but I'm kind of a prickly pear myself who often doesn't want to be bothered, and can be impatient, irritable and judgmental -- but only when completely appropriate, of course! Otherwise I am perfectly pleasant and harmonious.
Maybe look for a book or two on Anger? I have seen such books with secular, Christian and Buddhist approaches to the topic.
You mentioned Xanax in your OP -- still an option to be considered? Your call, of course.
But if it turns out you are naturally a grouse, curmudgeon or misanthrope, why not just go with it and accept yourself as you are?