QuietlE77

Unfortunately I'm not able to pick myself up and out of the crappy mood that I'm in, so I'm going to skip the formalities and get straight to my question.
My AH came home from the VA, yesterday after attending his usual outpatient classes and picking up his weekly prescription. He was high of course, doing the usual, "Oh, I Love you so much!". "You're so gorgeous!". "I wanna make sweet love to you, down by the fire..." And continued on with his groping and fondling and compliments and grandiose ideas, plans, etc... But there was another side to him, this time, that was not only irritating, but embarrassing and down right mean, actually. So he's doing all the things he's always doing when he gets high and I've seen this bow for 5 years, so I know what it looks like, sounds like, feels like. I'm standing there watching him nod out in the middle of conversations, I'm listening to the slow speech and the weird sound of his voice, like he's talking from the back of his throat, the way his eyes droop, his nose picking, ear picking, it's all there.
Typically when asked how many pills he has taken, he'll go into elaborate detail of how many he took(lately the number's only been skewed by 10, maybe 15 or 20. He used to be off by 50 or so, before his weekly Scripts.) this time though, he just said 4. That was his story and he was sticking to it. I said ok and just accepted that he was lying, trying not to argue the point, at that time. He on the other hand, spent the entire day, irritated and adamant that HE was NOT high and that I was the one with the problem for "assuming" that he was. If I nudged him to wake up, he got upset. When I picked up his puppy, because he was falling asleep while he should've been watching her, he got upset. We went out to dinner withhold of his friends. He continually put me down in front of his buddie and became very bossy, treating me as though I were his child, and not his wife, but in between being an ass-hole, continued on with how pretty I am and how badly he wanted to do me. He kept telling me how tired he was and that was why he looked like he was high. He told me that he hadn't slept the night prior, even though we slept together in the same bed that night and I knew he slept just fine. He was just, plain-NASTY! He even tried to figure out my password and username on this site, saying that if I thought he was high today(last night) that he's sure that I'm fabricating stories, here on this site and he wanted to set the record straight. He went through my text messages, my previous calls, voice mails, even my notes, on my phone, looking for, I don't even KNOW what. He has become childish, doing the very opposite of what I suggest, even if it puts himself, myself, and last night in particular, our new puppies safety in danger(i.e. Swerving all over the road and driving with eyes closed after I offered to drive. Falling asleep with the puppy on the couch[she's 2 lbs soaking wet and 16 weeks old]after I put her in her crate for the evening). I asked his friend if he would go outside with my AH, last night, to keep an eye on the puppy, because I was busy and I couldn't go out. He became very upset about that, looking at me as though I were delusional(he's actuallytold me I was delusional, lately) and added, once again, that HE WAS NOT HIGH!!! Now I knew he was high, his friend knew he was high, but no one wanted to argue the point.
I wake him up this morning for rehab. The puppy's on the arm of the couch(Thank God she's alright, I think to myself). He's telling me that he just got her out of her crate and took her outside 20 minutes ago. I pick her up and love on her, then set her on the floor. She runs straight over to the carpet and takes a big o'l steamy creamy(well, a little one, she's a baby chiahuahua). "So you took her out 20 minutes ago?" I ask.
"I NEVER set her down on the floor!" he rebutes!
"Really!?!" By this point I've given up on trying to debate facts that I know to be true, but that he either refuses to admit, or actually believes himself to be telling the truth, when reality says otherwise. This behavior didn't start, last night, but it has become markedly worse.
WHY is it getting worse? Over the weekend, things were REALLY BAD. He went from calling me dellusional, to telling me that my hearing is off and I NEVER hear what he tells me(especially when he's lied and slipped up and lied again). He continues to blame me for things that I didn't do, trying to one up me in the blame -game.... And the worst thing of all, telling me that every memory that I have of his wrong doings, from a year ago, to 6 months ago, to 2 days ago, has either been taken out of context or he can find a way to prove that I'm "mentally challenged" and my memory is off and incorrect. So now, I can't hear, I'm delusional, I have dementia, and oh ya! I forgot to mention that I go off my meds ALL THE TIME(I'm bi-polar)so I'm not capable of ever finishing school, working, having friends, having a LIFE of my own, outside the confines of this lovely home that he provides for me and my children. He tells me that he has an "ideal wife"; a picture in his mind of what he wants his wife(ME) to be. That picture doesn't include, me working outside of the home, me, bringing other people into our lives that might cause trouble, me, going to school, to get the job, etc...etc...this has all come on, just recently. He wants me to be grateful to him for being "the provider", but he also wants to accuse me AND my children of just using him for his money. You can't have it both ways.
I've tried to walk away, but right now, I would have to run, very, very far, to get a break from his recent attitude. Is this something he's learning from rehab? He has accused me of being afraid of him getting better, lately, and acting out, myself. This is not only UNTRUE, but insulting, as well. I don't want to keep picking up his messes, literally and figuratively! I'm so tired! I enjoy the few days a week that I get with him when he's running low on meds and he's what I would consider to be sober. I just want this outpatient rehab to work, but just when I think he's made a breakthrough, made some friends, there at the program, going out more with his buddies instead of barricading himself, like he had been doing, he's turning into a real *****!...and he's still getting high! Is there anything that I can do? Is this just a phase? Maybe there's something that they are talking about in his classes? Is this normal? Please help?
I know that some of this info is a repeat of my weekend posts and I do apologize for that. I CAN'T LEAVE! I DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE TO GO!! my caseworker at the VA told me that we shouldn't do the marriage counseling, yet! She doesn't think that he's ready. He's 6 weeks into this program and I don't know if he'll EVER be ready. I'm at an utter loss and I'm beginning to feel all if the work that I've done, recently, for myself, by reaching out on this site, and beginning to stand my ground with him, protect myself and my kids...I feel that strength slipping away, now!