House hunting is fun! I totally understand what you're going through and the back and forth doubts. As someone said, just keep making the right steps in the right direction, don't think about where it will take you just yet, you're still grieving what you're leaving behind. I think it's awesome that your just making the moves to "look"! You need that, you need to start providing your mind with dreams and hopes for a new different future. The more you look and explore the possibilities, the clarity you'll get with the differences of a hopeful future vs. a bleak one strapped to an A.
I think you're doing wonderful! I still have to remind myself that the doubts are normal, the love I have for him is real, the urge to run back should be expected... but just close your eyes and go back to one of the worst horrible nights he put you through, remember the pain, remember the anxiety, really really remember and FEEL it. When that ache becomes too much, open your eyes and realize again that you are no longer in that bad place, remember why you left and then take solace in knowing that pain is behind you. Then think about all the wonderful possibilities ahead
