Karrets...above all else please do not allow his struggle to weaken and drain you beyond repair. It takes so much energy to manage a life not being managed by it's rightful owner. I have been involved in highly toxic relationship off and on for about 4 years. He has drug issues as well as a personality disorder that could be somewhat effectively managed on med's...if he took them consistently.
I have my own issues and I recently sobered up (again). It takes a whole lot of energy to manage one's self in sobriety...so THAT gives me a boundary. Probably the only one that I possess it seems..it means something. When I was able to see that he was not managing himself properly..and that I was getting the fallout of this...I knew I could NOT manage my sobriety as emotions ran way too high for me to control.
In knowing that I alone (and with the support of others in recovery) am responsible for my sobriety, I realized that HE alone is responsible for his...and despite some good lip service and a lot of promises...I knew in the bottom of my heart..he just doesn't mean business.
He's not at his bottom. I ain't going down with him. But it's not easy.
I wish you the brightest of blessings for the recovery of your family.