I feel so desperate and verging nervous breakdown

Old 07-01-2014, 03:58 PM
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karrets,

please talk to a lawyer before buying a new home. You sound like you may be contemplating divorce. Find out how all of this may affect you.
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Old 07-01-2014, 04:13 PM
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I just want to second Amy on talking to a lawyer. It would be good to make sure that if you buy a home, it will be yours to keep. Being married can make that complicated!
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Old 07-01-2014, 06:56 PM
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I am trying to make the break. I am a bit closer. IT has to be for you, not because you feel so bad for them. My mom was an RXA, she had 4 kids, 3 were addicts. I am am not, but believe me we all lost something living with a functional addict.

My RAA is a sibling who is old and frail, so I say the same things you are saying cause like Zoso says it is hard to make that choice. Not there yet but my guilt is dropping away slowly, because I need my life back. I worked hard and I deserve it.... so do you.

Hope this helps.... It sucks, but has staying made anything better?
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Old 07-01-2014, 08:12 PM
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We moved 1,000 miles away from all of our friends and family because he "needed a fresh start"...and we moved for his job. 18 months later he had added a new drug (common in that locale), escalated his abusive behaviors, had an affair, and ultimately abandoned me and the kids. The only thing that changed with the move was that I was dreadfully alone. The kids were too, it was so horrible. The kids and I moved back, but it was the roughest time of their lives, and I wish I could have that back. In hindsight, I think...fix first, move later. My X wasn't even that bad when we first moved, but he was definitely trying to solve a problem. I think the move ended up escalating it.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
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Old 07-01-2014, 09:29 PM
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You basically just repeated my life

I've been with my fiancé for 3+years and he's an HA.. We have been through **** I've never expected to be around. I work a full time job at a software startup in recruiting and human resources. Downtown in city and live the normal life. He constantly does things and the elephant is always in the room of his drug use, but I genuinely love him. I get mad at myself most days for not being like, what the hell are you doing staying here? Why do I put up with this ****?

But at the end of the day, I love this man. I believe in him and believe what he has is a sickness. Medically and not only psychiatry. I believe that the more you force spiritual ( not just religious), type therapy and force open communication, the healthy it can become. Letting go of these negative forces because of someone's addiction is completely part of out own therapy. Healthy mind by therapy to cleanse out the negative opens up for healthy and meaningful living. If your man is truly someone you love and feel like you maybe give into those feelings of flight on him and the relationship, and do stay, it's truly bc of your faith in him. How many times can we be let down by these men and just give into the behavior? I do not know. But I know that through my own way of trying to take part in all the things I mention above, it's beginning to give me more peace. I'm usually angry and stressed out most of the time bc it's high stress situations all the time, I believe that these people can come around and if you're still there you must really believe in him.

Hope this helps your nerves and anxieties and stressful feelings right now. I know how that feels all too well.


Ps. Forgot to mention that we moved today and he got arrested in the morning for buying. So I was left with our 2 big dogs, and moving to bigger house in suburbs. Real huge messed up situation
Peace and love.
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Old 07-02-2014, 07:23 AM
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Just wanted to drop in and see how you are doing today Kerrets?
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Old 07-02-2014, 07:30 AM
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I'm feeling better today thanks. I'm just not getting involved in his chaos anymore. I'm still going to move cause it's the best thing for me and my daughter. He has signed all net profits of 30 thousands pounds over to me so he isn't after my money. He received a claim at the start of the year for a work accident and gave 8 of the 9 thousand to me. He is a good man.... But he's an addict. I prayed to my higher power yesterday and all I had sick in my head all day was that song... I won't give up on you. He had gone to the doctors today and switched to methadone when I asked him why he said because I can abuse suboxone too much. He had also asked for counselling. It's a start back to illusion lol
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Old 07-02-2014, 07:33 AM
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I am glad to hear you are feeling like you are in a better place today Kerrets.

Tight Hugs.
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Old 07-02-2014, 10:02 AM
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Karrets good luck I hope that you find serenity and peace that you and your daughter deserve.
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Old 07-02-2014, 04:06 PM
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Karrets...above all else please do not allow his struggle to weaken and drain you beyond repair. It takes so much energy to manage a life not being managed by it's rightful owner. I have been involved in highly toxic relationship off and on for about 4 years. He has drug issues as well as a personality disorder that could be somewhat effectively managed on med's...if he took them consistently.
I have my own issues and I recently sobered up (again). It takes a whole lot of energy to manage one's self in sobriety...so THAT gives me a boundary. Probably the only one that I possess it seems..it means something. When I was able to see that he was not managing himself properly..and that I was getting the fallout of this...I knew I could NOT manage my sobriety as emotions ran way too high for me to control.

In knowing that I alone (and with the support of others in recovery) am responsible for my sobriety, I realized that HE alone is responsible for his...and despite some good lip service and a lot of promises...I knew in the bottom of my heart..he just doesn't mean business.
He's not at his bottom. I ain't going down with him. But it's not easy.

I wish you the brightest of blessings for the recovery of your family.
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