What makes a "good dad"? I said for years that XAH was a good dad when he tried or wanted to be. I kept hoping it'd be consistent. The "ouch" part for me post-divorce was threefold:
1) I facilitated everything. Without me, he floundered and disappeared because it took too much effort. I hadn't realized this. It shocked and saddened me tremendously.
2) "Sometimes" is never, ever enough for a kid. It's not good no matter how you frame it. They need consistent parental love, not the jerk-around up and down, which confuses them.
3) How dad treats their mother (or for the dads out there, how mom treats dad) is the single biggest example and most prominent thing in their lives. If he verbally (or otherwise) abuses mom, he is NOT a good father. Even if it's sometimes. He is hurting their source of security and love and that is terrifying to them.
Sorry for the downer post, but even as I drove away from X, I claimed he could be a good father. He is not. (I don't like that.) I know good fathers. They not only have it in them, they show it ALWAYS and sacrifice for their kids, bond emotionally, and teach them to give and love and forgive.
Sigh. It breaks my heart for my own kids...and all the other ones out there too.
Just food for thought. I found that XAH's "good father" potential was in the same box as "good husband", "good son", and "good fill-in-the-blank".