going to look at a house, and fears
So Friday I am going with my mom, my DD and friend to look at a house....to buy.
Its a foreclosure, I would need a special loan and I am a first time home buyer so I think I could get a grant. (I make under 30k a year)...I'm trying to find a better paying job in the meantime as well. Mom said that she would help with the mortage payments since they would only be about 300-400 a month...less than rent.
If I eventually got child support and a better job, I will be fine. I have hopes.
ABF has no clue I'm doing this. Right now I'm just looking. Its an old farm house right across the street from a park in a tiny little town nearby. It would be perfect for DD and I.
Anyway, I sidetracked. ABF has no clue. Its a major step that I'm not sure I want to take (buying a house, not the moving part) but something keeps drawing towards this house. I think its the security. I feel a little guilty still about my plans with leaving. I'm conflicted.I know most of you said that you left when you knew its was the right time, but did you have any feelings of doubt at all? I'm not attracted to him, He talks nonsense every night to me, and I barely want to talk to him during the day. But I still have this feeling in me that part of the reason he drinks is somehow my fault, even though deep down I know its not true. Does that make any sense? It could be my panic/anxiety disorder flaring up. I guess I'm just looking for Point of Views.