Originally Posted by Nuudawn

I do not agree that Step 1 is to leave the relationship. Step 1 is to sober up and see if he REALLY is the lovely character you describe. I am in the process of extricating myself from an emotional abusive relationship. It is in sobriety I am actually able to see things A LOT differently. It was easy for things to be easier in the relationship when I was well..somewhat blind, passive and drunk. BUT sobriety takes work..and you get clarity. You can no longer ignore slough off stuff and pour yourself a drink. You have to DEAL. There is a wonderful SIDE to my man too..and he too has issues..that he has to deal with. He thinks we can do this together. I thought so too...but when his crazy making behaviour, denials, lies and all out gaslighting came to light..it JEAOPARDIZED my sobriety. In sobriety I am forced to deal with MY OWN issues...which are somewhat impossible in a "sick" relationship. Sobriety made me see stuff I really didn't want to...in my relationship and in my life. Are you sober? Forgive me if I misinterpreted something here. If not...sobriety is JOB 1. For me...IT...above all else.