Sober for 12 days and this is hard.
Update:
1 - initiated a talk with my dad about my drinking (he's a recovering alcoholic) and I was very surprised by the lack of advice and lack of talking he did. Our conversation was pretty one sided. He did make me think hard though when I told him that I do but don't want to stop drinking. He says that in AA most people are there because they have hit a "rock bottom" and it stopped there for them. Now, 12 days ago I hit a rock bottom, but I think I'm getting past it. My husband is as well, I think. I still want to have control with alcohol, and soon. This 'one day at a time' is a great concept but I am struggling and just want my wine.
2 - still planning on trying AA, but it's like... damn it. Will people take me seriously? I don't want to stop drinking forever. I'm sorry to sound like that. Still super confused and full of questions for myself. Thanks for letting me vent, guys.
3 - seeing my therapist face to face Wednesday. Much needed. I don't know what she will say except for that my choices are up to me and maybe that I should try an AA meeting. But I do look forward to her additional words.
Grocery shopping in a couple hours. Optimistically I put wine on the list, and then my husband crossed it out and said "wait" ...which I totally see his struggle. I was disloyal to him 12 days ago. My gosh.