Hi Blossom717,
Thanks for sharing. From my perspective, all relationships have arguments like these. We all struggle with patience, budgeting our money, and such. With that said, budgeting money for a relationship that doesn't involve an alcoholic might look like this: I didn't have money to pay the sitter this week because I lent money to my mom to help her with x, not to buy alcohol. Most adults who are mature and living on their own can usually budget or likely understand the importance of paying the sitter for their child over purchasing alcohol.
I don't know your current situation and I can't speak for everyone. That is my take. I recall many, many birthdays where I got absolutely nothing and asked myself if this was "normal"? Is it normal to get nothing from your boyfriend for your birthday, but he bought several packs of cigarettes and manages to have money for alcohol? No, it is not normal, at all. When you begin to think it's normal, that's a big problem. When you have to think to yourself to ask if it is normal, it is probably not a good sign.
Something very valuable I learned during the time I left my alcoholic ex was: you can't expect anything from the other person. Expectations are premeditated resentments and the more you expect, the more you will resent them for what YOU expected. Under normal, sober circumstances, it would be reasonable to expect patience and understanding. But these are not normal or sober circumstances.
Take care.