MAGW

I just posted this in Friends and Family but wanted to post it here as I am especially interested in what the CRAFT... supporters would have to say. I am reading the books, but wanted to get input here...

OK - I am new in the last month but have been posting, quick recap, AB of 4 years, started drinking again, usually its an every 3 month cycle, this time I had enough and we have been 'broken up' for 2 or 3 weeks. It was a traumatic break up and he knows the only future opening with me is rehab, but he knows its his deal to figure what he wants to do with his life as I didn't give him an ultimatum, I just ended it. We are about 90% no contact just because its too hard for both of us, sad. He was never angry or abusive, but when he drank it got to be 24x7 and I was afraid over the years he would turn angry and abusive; and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who drives under the influence, even if its just himself.

He has been talking rehab, but today emailed me to say his boss is scheduling it. I don't know details what happened but I am guessing they saw him drinking and they value him as an employee and want to help. He would never leave his job willingly for rehab as he feels like he would be putting them in too much of a hard situation (crazy but understandable thinking). He is very high functioning so has rationalized the drinking at work, and on top it is being successful at work (while drinking), which plays games with his mind.

So now I need a crash course in how do I interact and/or support him during this and afterward, especially at possibly rebuilding but not jumping right back in a relationship in a way that supports what he is doing but doesn't make him too dependent on me. I want him to own this. I actually think he is more codependent than I am, but I could be wrong, but a few years of therapy recently have been incredible for me. Anyway, all but the alcohol was pretty amazing (outside of each of us having different aged kids and all that goes with that), so I believe our relationship is worth fighting for if he actually does this. However, he has low self worth so I do know this won't be fixed in just 10 days at Shick Shadel (aversion method along with traditional therapy). I also know he has to do it for himself. I know this is the most rock bottom he has ever been, but hard to know if he is doing this for us or work or his kids or himself. So I want to approach it so I don't sabatoge his personal growth through this, as in the end that is the only way we can have a healthy relationship (lots of childhood abandonment issues on his part.) So he will have to follow up with therapist or a group like Smart Recovery. So I am not sure how I be supportive, without being codependent or managing it for him or even influencing him. I am having a hard time posing this question, but hopefully you get the jist. Thank you - love being in this community and learning from all of you and feeling there are so many of us in this together!